Potty Training has been one of the hardest transitions I have been through as a mom. I want to share a few things I learned along the way that got us to the other side of this important milestone. I won’t share all the details of Emersyn’s journey because that’s personal to her, but rather what I experienced.
I started potty training Emmy at two-and-a-half, not because she was a certain age, but because she was practically asking me to. She would tell me when she needed to go poop or pee and that she wanted to sit on the toilet. For this reason, I thought potty training her would be easy. As far as signs of readiness, she had all of them.
I started by reading a book about potty training in three days. The book shared a bootcamp style method with lots of one-on-one time with your toddler. Mind you, I have a newborn baby so this seemed difficult from the moment I read about it. However, I committed and did exactly what the book said. Long story short, it didn’t go well. It was too hard for me to drop everything to focus only on this one thing, which is really what the method calls for. I was also supposed to limit screen time, keep her naked, etc. all of which proved very hard while taking care of the baby too. I was stressed, and my stress was hindering Emmy.
Overall, we weren’t having many successful potty moments. During potty training, the “wins” are a big deal. You need successes to help them build the habit.
One day Emmy and I were getting in the car to run errands, and she said, “Mommy, I’m mad”. I asked her why, and she said, “Because you keep getting mad at me in the bathroom”. My eyes filled with tears, and I apologized to her because I would never want her to feel that way. It was a humbling moment because I didn’t feel like I was getting upset, but she certainly picked up on my stress. The last thing I wanted was for potty training to be stressful for her.
Time to take a break
I talked to Justus that night about taking a break for two weeks and going back to diapers (something the book said not to do, but was excellent advice from my sister). We agreed, and the next morning when I went to get Emmy from her room before I could even tell her she said to me, “Mom, I need a break from potty training”. I cannot make this up. So that’s exactly what we did.
During our break I realized that this process was more about my patience than about Emmy. It may not make sense until you experience it, but it’s just a frustrating process. I didn’t want it to be, and I wanted Emmy to be successful and learn this piece of her independence in a positive way. The break was just what we needed.
What worked for us
Here’s what worked after our break. When we started again, I would sit on the bathroom floor while she sat on the toilet, and I would read to her as long as possible so she could sit still and practice going. Books were a game changer in getting her to sit longer.
Also, I stopped doing rewards and making a big deal out of her successes. I still don’t fully understand why this worked, but I would say in a calm voice how proud I was of her and that she did a great job. No more candy or jumping up and down. I am certain that rewards work very well for some children, but it just wasn’t motivating Emmy.
The more and more we practiced and the more and more patience I had, we started to have more wins. I didn’t stress about what kind of potty she was using – we used both a seat on the toilet and a pink Baby Bjorn potty. I also kept her in diapers for nap and nighttime and didn’t stress about specifically using pull-ups. “Saying goodbye to diapers” just didn’t really do anything to help.
My family also gave me the advice just to keep going, that it would eventually click, and it did. Every child is so different, but for us this process was slow, and consistency was everything.
To update you on where we are now, it’s been two full months since we officially started and we rarely have accidents. Sometimes I struggle to get her to use public bathrooms, and we are working on being brave while we’re out and about. I plan to keep her in diapers during nap (Emmy still naps for about three hours a day) and bedtime.
I’d love to hear what worked for you and how you conquered this big transition. One of my favorite things about being a mom is how we all desire to help each other.
